To love or not to love
by kirsty2765
Summary: An alternative to "Frankie and Tony are lovers"
1. Chapter 1

I always thought about what could have happened if Angela didn't see Dr. Bellows in "Frankie and Tony are lovers".

_Disclaimer: I'm not the owner of the characters of WTB, I own nothing, no copyright violence intended_

**To love or not to love**

Chapter 1

After the Brooklyn street fair they came home late. Tony had to stay in Brooklyn after Frankie had bid on him and won him for cleaning her house. Angela decided to drive the kids, Mona and herself home on her own. They were all tired, bad-tempered and didn't talk much on their long way home from Brooklyn. It wasn't exactly what she expected from this weekend. To see Tony kissing a former girlfriend from his old neighborhood was one of the most unexpected things of all. Not that she was jealous but sitting around alone between those noisy Italian people bored her after a short time. That was what she told herself. No way, would she admit that she _was_ jealous. And this girl, Frankie, had bid on Tony and she, Angela, had lost the battle. No, not really lost, more like she had given up. And now Tony had his weekend free to clean up Frankie's apartment. Even when she closed her eyes the picture of Tony who changed the bedclothes together with Frankie left a lump in her stomach. A feeling of nausea hit her. 'Why is this bothering me? And why is there this pressure in my chest and I can barely breathe?' Angela got caught up in her thoughts. 'No, I'm just exhausted from the day', she was trying to peer something through the fog of her brain.

As the next day was a Sunday, they all slept late, and since Tony was not at home Angela decided to do the breakfast with omelet à la Angela, but of course it was a torture for everyone. Afterwards, the kids went out for their Sunday activities and Mona went on a date with a guy she met at the street fair. Angela paced impatiently back and forth through the dining room. She was unable to concentrate on her work. In the early evening Tony came back home. He seemed to be tired and lost in deep thoughts.

"Hi Tony, how was your weekend." Angela asked him carefully, trying to read something in his dark brown eyes. But he barely looked at her.

"Oh, hi Angela, really nice, Frankie's apartment is the best cleaned apartment in Brooklyn now."

"I'm sure it is." Angela smiled quietly.

"Angela I'm sorry you have to drive home alone with the kids. The day took an unexpected turn. You know Angela, the afternoon was odd anyway." Avoiding eye contact with Angela, Tony turned to the stairs but stopped again. "When I was a teenager I always wanted to be with Frankie but she always gave me the cold shoulder. And suddenly… she wants to be with me… you know dating and so on and more." He tried to suppress the guilt in his voice.

"What does that mean? What more?"

"To tell the truth, she proposed to me." Tony looked down on the floor, feeling a little uncertain from Angela's questioning brown eyes.

"Proposed? After one weekend?" Angela asked him doubtfully. Frankie must be absolutely convinced about Tony's qualities. "That must be nice for you after so many years. She is a Harvard graduate, she drinks beer from a bottle and she is an Italian beauty. So, that's why you kissed her?" Angela became frightened. Why am I asking that, she asked herself, and why doesn't he even look at me?

"Actually Frankie kissed me, I was… hm… a little surprised. But I have to think it over. I'll go upstairs and try to catch up some sleep. And this kiss…it meant nothing." Tony climbed the stairs and without another word, he left a very confused Angela behind.

"If you say so, I guess a kiss like that can't be meaningless, so you have something to think about. Sleep well." Angela was deeply disappointed. Seems he didn't want to spend time with her this evening. The pressure on her chest intensified. She was barely able to picture Tony with another woman. But it could happen anytime. This time? Of course he was going to see her again. Could he really be serious about a proposal from a girl he hadn't seen for years? But what if he did accept it? Angela shivered at the thought of Tony marrying Frankie. She had to come to a decision that she could live and she had to decide soon….


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning they sat all together in the kitchen. Angela was in a dark mood. Neither of them could say why there was a grey cloud over the breakfast table.

"So Angela, did you enjoy the fair yesterday?" Sam asked.

"No, I didn't. It was boring and I was glad when it was over." Angela told her in an unfriendly way.

Tony turned around raising his eyebrows in surprise at hearing her rude tone.

"Why didn't you say anything? We could have left earlier."

"It doesn't matter; it's over and I didn't want to put you in a bad mood. At least one of us was in his element. Jonathan would you please come with me? I'll take you to school today with the Jag; there is something I have to tell you." Angela said to Jonathan in a neutral voice.

"OK, come on Sam."

"No Jonathan, Sam will take the bus; I want to talk alone to you."

"But Mom, I…"

"Straight away, Jonathan."

Angela grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the back door and without another word she was outside. Tony was shocked. She had never shown such rude manners.

"Dad, what happened? What's the matter with Angela?" Sam asked him frightened and her eyes filled with tears.

"Sweetheart, I don't know, maybe she missed some sleep." Tony tried to calm down her… and himself.

"Come on, catch the bus."

"Bye Dad." "Bye, sweetheart." He kissed her forehead. "And get it off your mind. I'll talk to her later."

Tony began to clean the kitchen. He put the dishes into the sink, but was unable to take away his mind off of Angela. She had acted so strangely, but why? Later he collected the dirty laundry from all the bedrooms. He wondered about Angela's room. It was an untidy mess; her clothes were dispersed all over the floor. Used tissues were filling the garbage pail. Maybe she has cold? But she didn't seem to be sick.

The phone rang.

"Bower residence, Tony Micelli."

"Tony, it's me. Can you please pack my suitcases? I'll have to go on a very important business trip to L.A. for 2 weeks and my flight departs in two hours. You know what I need. I'll send a driver to pick up the baggage and let it bring to the airport."

"Angela, stop! You've never left on a trip for two weeks so suddenly. Why didn't you say something earlier? And what about the children- you didn't say goodbye to them! What is this all about?" Tony could hardly believe his ears.

"Tony, I told Jonathan this morning and there is no time to discuss it. Just do what I say; remember what your job is about?"

"You told Jonathan, but not me and Samantha. Are you kidding?"

"As I said, Tony, not yet." And she hung up the phone. Tony was stunned. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Angela never, ever talked to him like this. But she left no choice for him. So he went upstairs, fetched the suitcases from the attic and started packing her clothes in the bags.

Later that evening, they sat together in the kitchen.

"Maybe we should call my mom," Jonathan told them. "I have the number from the hotel where she's staying."

"Good idea," Tony mocked. "Maybe we get some working knowledge. Give me the number." He dialed the number, then paced back and forth nervously.

"Hyatt Airport Hotel."

"Could you patch me through to the room of Angel Bower, please?"

"What`s your name, Sir?"

"Tony Micelli."

"A second, Mr. Micelli." Tony was already at the end of his patience.

"Sorry, Mr. Micelli, I have an order not to connect you. "

"What, that must be a misunderstanding, please try it and I'll resolve it."

"Sorry, Mr. Micelli."

Tony couldn't even believe what he'd just heard from that hotel employee. Angela didn't want to talk with him and he didn't know the real cause. He thought about the last few days, but he couldn't justify her odd behavior. At last there was nothing more he could do but wait. But he wasted his time. Angela didn't call. Not that evening, nor the next.

The days flew quickly as Tony was working and taking care of the kids, stopping their fights about all and nothing. And still no call from Angela. Tony's feelings went from anger to fear and from fear to sadness. He missed her, missed talking to her and missed seeing her in the kitchen every morning and her good night in the evening. It was as though he was parted in two pieces, one piece was always with her and the other one managed his life in Fairfield without thinking. The emotional conflict was driving him crazy and he didn't have anyone who he could talk to. Mona, who always was his first choice when he had to clear his mind, was on a short trip with her newest boyfriend. Patience wasn't his biggest strength anyway. He had invited his Brooklyn buddies on Saturday, hoping that they would distract him from the emptiness he felt. But when Saturday arrived, he wasn't able to concentrate on the poker games and the night ended sooner than planned.

Then, the last week was over; the evening had run its course and Tony switched on the TV and made himself comfortable on the couch. The time trickled and after what felt like an eternity, the door was unlocked by a key and opened. Tony immediately jumped from the couch and sighed in relief. And there she was. Their eyes locked and for a second the continual electricity was there as always and Tony wanted to do just one thing: to take her in his arms and kiss her. But he was unable to move after seeing the bitterness in her face without knowing where it came from. Maybe he should do something different: Shake the truth out of her.

"Angela, what is this all about?" He said in a low voice trying to suppress his enormous anger.

"Tony, this trip was very long, I'm incredibly tired and I only want two things: my bathtub and my bed. We can talk tomorrow."

"I didn't hear from, or see you for almost two weeks; you didn't call and the worst thing is that you didn't let me call you! And now you want to go to bed? It's only seven! I think I deserve an explanation and it better be a damned good one. And I made Lasagna Alfredo for dinner." He shouted angrily.

But without another word, Angela left and hurried up the stairs, her suitcases the only physical evidence of her presence. Tony left the dining room through the swing door and pushed the Lasagna into the stove.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Where is she?" Mona asked coaxed by the tempting smell coming out of the kitchen.

"She is upstairs." Tony replied with clenched teeth trying to suppress his anger.

At the same time Sam and Jonathan entered the kitchen. "Angela is back?" Sam was taken aback, "I was in my room, and she always peeks in when she comes back from a business trip."

"Mom was in my room." Jonathan said quietly, uncertain of how this news would be taken.

"She could never resist your lasagna, Tony, calm down. "I'm sure she will be here soon." Mona tried to reassure the children and everyone else.

As if by command the swinging door opened and Angela came in clothed in a pair of jeans and a pink soft angora wool pullover. Her hair was fallen down in soft curls to her shoulders. She looked so stunningly beautiful that Tony breathed in sharply. Angela let her eyes wander over the picture that was offered to her and a deep pain filled her chest.

"Hi Angela, it's so nice that you're back." Sam jumped of the chair trying to hug her. She had missed her so much but Angela almost immediately broke up the embrace. Sam looked at her with wide eyes. She felt Angela's tentative distance to her.

"Hi, Sam, it's nice to be home again," she said without looking into the child eyes, "what about the lasagna, I'm starving."

"So you didn't get anything to eat in L. A.?" Mona joked lightly, astonished by the obvious strange behavior from her daughter," and after all, where are our presents?" When Angela was on a trip she always brought home little presents for her and the children; and of course for Tony, so Mona was stunned by her answer.

"No presents, I didn't find the time to buy something, I was so busy and out every night and by the way, yes mother, I got a lot of fabulous dinners accompanied by a wonderful man. Would that be your next question?"

In one instant the kitchen was quiet. Tony looked up to her desperately trying to catch her eyes but she looked away.

"You met someone? And you were dating him every night?" Tony swallowed; at least now he knew the reason for her atypical reactions: a new man in her life. Since Geoffrey with a G was gone for such a short time he never expected her to date someone new so soon; but why shouldn't she? She had no commitments and certainly didn't owe him anything. He always felt terribly at the thought of Angela with another man and this time he didn't see it coming.

"Angela, who is this great guy and where did you meet him?" Sam tried starting a conversation.

"None of your business, why do I always have to bare my life in front of the whole family? Oh, and Jonathan, tomorrow we're going shopping. You need new clothes. "Angela tried to distract them from the topic.

"Oh no mom, I hate shopping. Can't you take Sam with you? She is the shopping queen in here." Jonathan groaned tormented.

"No, I'll take _you_ with me."

Sam couldn't stand it any longer. She jumped from the chair, tears in her eyes and ran out of the kitchen without a word. It wasn't that she expected Angela to buy her new clothes; but she was upset because she always enjoyed the time she spent with Angela as mother and daughter. Obviously Angela had rejected her and she no longer filled the daughter role in her life.

"Mum, why are you so cruel to Sam? She didn't do anything. You treated her so unjustly and unfairly," and a very angry Jonathan followed Sam.

Tony became very angry now, too. He couldn't believe that she has changed in so many ways. "Angela, what's the matter with you? Even if you are tired, nervous or anything else, don't take out your anger on Sam, she doesn't deserve it! Why did you do this to my daughter? It's the second time you made her cry. Is it something to do with that guy? Is it serious? Even it isn't why didn't you tell us? Angela, the last two weeks were horrible for us. It's like you are brainwashed." Tony was talking himself in a rage.

Angela was startled, she never thought that it would be so difficult to follow her intention. What she had in mind was a painful concept; painful for everyone especially for her. She saw the valid anger in his eyes and was barely able to answer.

"These are my private affairs, Tony; I don't want to discuss it with you."

"Oh, you don't have to, but tell me, is it what I think it is? You want have us out of the way because of this man, right? You should have told me earlier, there was no need for hurting Sam. But I'll tell you one thing: If you want to fire me you have to look straight into my eyes and say that." Tony yelled at her. "I'm going to check on Sam and Jonathan because right now I'm so angry, I can even look at you and I don't want to say something I'll regret." Tony pushed the door so hard that it swung five times back and forth leaving Angela and a baffled Mona behind.

Angela's hands began to tremble because of this awful scene she had created. Her nerves deserted her due to Tony's emotional outburst and hot tears were falling down. She buried her face in her hands trying desperately to suppress her sobs. Mona was shocked by Angela's rude behavior and her sudden crying.

"Angela, what are you doing here? Is it true, you're going to fire Tony? Why? It's not like you to hop in the sack so quickly with a guy."

Angela cried even harder. Her whole body was shaking now. The plan she made failed. It failed because of her own inability to control her feelings. Being a successful strong woman in business didn't translate to be successful and strong in family matters.

"Oh mother, I can't go on with that, it' so much harder than I ever thought."

"What are you talking about? Go on with what?"

"I did a terrible thing." Angela sobbed. "I treated Tony so badly because I wanted him to quit his job and leave the house."

"Angela, don't make me drag the details out of you. Why did you do such a stupid thing? Tony is the best thing that ever happened to you and I know you have feelings for him. Why do you want to throw all that away for this new guy?

"I'm a horrible person, mother. Since that street fair my life has lost its balance. I'm so afraid that he will leave me… us. I thought it would be easier if we were angry with each other."

"I don't understand a word of what you are saying. You should see a therapist again and tell him about your curious thoughts. He won't leave you, why should he? I'm not blind, Angela, and you know I have a very special sense for love affairs and I'm pretty sure that he was deeply hurt the last two weeks."

"He can't be hurt, he is with Frankie and she wants to marry him. Mother, he was together with her that weekend in Brooklyn… overnight." Angela was calm as she told Mona the truth.

"So you hurt him because you don't want to be hurt?"

"I'll never want to hurt him; I wanted to keep a distance between us. It will make it easier for me when he moves out. I want to be … safe."

"He won't move out. He hasn't seen Frankie since the street fair and he didn't stay with her overnight. He slept on Mrs. Rossini's couch and told Frankie on the phone that he didn't accept her proposal. He was at home the last two weeks waiting for a call from you and he felt terrible."

"How do you know that he didn't accept?"

"Eavesdrop."

Angela collapsed and threw her hands on her face. Every horrible scenario she envisioned was wrong.

"Oh god, what have I done? I've hurt Sam and him, I'm so selfish…"Angel couldn't believe she misjudged the situation like this.

Mona took her in her arms. "You will work this out, dear, talk to him."

"What if it is too late? He will never forgive me, I was terrible to Sam."

"It's never too late to talk about love."

Angela stood up and left the kitchen. She climbed up the stairs and went to her bedroom. While taking a shower the tears rolled down her cheeks and were washed away by the hot water. She was physically and mentally exhausted from the last days. She missed the pep talk Tony always gave her after long busy work weeks. After dressing in her silky nightgown she laid down on her bed and felt into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Tony entered the messy kitchen after everyone's early departure. On a sudden impulse he grabbed the baking dish and threw it along with the lasagna in the garbage. "So much for the lasagna that never failed," he thought as he cleaned the kitchen, wondering if it might be the last time he had to do so.

Angela awoke after two hours at first not realizing that she was home in her own bed, then it hit her like a hammer. She slipped on her blue satin robe and opened her door quietly. Noticing some noises from Sam's room she held her breath. Maybe she was still awake? Angela knocked at her door.

"Sam, are you awake? May I come in?

Sam opened the door and looked at her with red tear-stained eyes. Angela swallowed and had to force her own tears back as she looked at her near daughter.

"You can't sleep…hm?"

"No." Sam replied by glancing uncertainly to the floor.

"Come, get into bed, you'll get cold feet." Angela led her to the bed and tucked her in like she was a little child.

"Sam, I apologize to you, I'm sorry that I was so bitchy and unfriendly to you, I'm really sorry, it was my fault entirely. I had a tough time recently. I took it out on you and there is no excuse for doing something like that." Angela stroked the dark hair out of her face. "Sam?"

"Why me?" Sam whispered, "did I something wrong?"

"No sweetheart, you didn't, it was me who did all the wrong. I can't explain it right now, I can barely explain it to myself."

"It has something to do with that guy you're dating, you'll marry again and you want us to leave, you can tell me, I… understand," Sam cried again.

"No Sam, I don't want to marry again and don't be afraid, I love you too much and I never, never want you and your Dad leaving me. Please trust me, Sam, I made a big mistake, please don't cry."

"Is it true?

"Yes, I wouldn't lie to you." Sam sat up and hugged her and Angela stroke her back.

"Come, get some sleep now." Angela pulled the blanket over her and gave her a little kiss on the forehead then turned out the light. "Good night sweetie, I'm really sorry you felt so bad."

"Good night, Angela."

Angela sighed in relief after leaving the room. She only hoped that things between her and Sam would continue to get better tomorrow. She went downstairs and there was Tony right in front of the TV watching a boring weather forecast. He didn't hear her coming. Quietly she walked behind the couch looking down at the handsome man she loved for a long time. He looked tired and exhausted and she knew that she did it to him. The only thing she could think of was that she wanted to run her fingers through his thick dark hair to comfort him. She came closer and placed her hand carefully on his shoulder. He started from her sudden touch and turned around in surprise.

"Angela, I thought you were sleeping." He looked at her and the sadness in his thoughtful dark eyes almost made her cry again. He didn't say anything more. It wasn't his turn to talk and she knew it.

"Tony, we have to talk… no, I have to tell you something." Angela walked around the couch and came to stay in front of him but he didn't glance up to her. He had tried to comfort Samantha hours earlier but it didn't work out. She had cried most of the time and he couldn't find the right words to explain the worrying occurrence in the kitchen before because he didn't understand it either. He was dead beat.

Angela now was scared as never before in her whole life. She knew she had to start this unwelcome conversation but didn't know how to begin and Tony, who always supported her otherwise, was the victim of her hurtful diatribe. She sat down beside him desperately trying not to move too close.

"Tony, I'm sorry," she said barely audible, "I did something indefensible."

Tony lifted his head to look at her, "why, Angela? I don't understand you anymore and it feels like I don't know you anymore."

"I'm a bad and selfish person… I …"Angela sobbed.

"Angela, you can never be a bad person, I'm sure you have your reasons for all these things you've said and done… but if you want me to leave you should say it. If you find love with that guy… I don't stand in your way; I want you to be happy." Tony swallowed. Angela with another man was something he never liked to think about. If he only could tell her.

"I don't love any other guy, it was only business. I just told you about him to save face; it's just the opposite of what I was always afraid of. When I saw you with Frankie that day… I was jealous and hurt and after you told me that she wanted to marry you… I was paralyzed. I realized my greatest fear….I was going to lose you and so I distanced myself from you and Sam, I thought it would be easier for me… when you would decide to move out and leave me… us. That's why I didn't want to talk with you on the phone and why I never called you back and was so mad with Sam. I wanted to dissolve the connection we have. I wanted to protect my heart." She was crying now.

"You're afraid of losing me? But I called Frankie the next day and told her that I didn't want to see her again. Believe me, Angela; I don't want to get lost." Tony replied and he took her hands with caution. When she didn't pull away he moved closer looking into her tear-filled eyes.

"Why didn't you see her again? You seemed to be happy after the fair," she sobbed.

"Yes, it was nice to see her again after so many years and it's nice for a man when the women who always rejected you in the past suddenly wants to spend her time with you. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel flattered; but it was only a silly and stupid moment. This kiss, it was meaningless. And yes, we have the same background and there is a chance that it could have worked; but vital to the success of a relationship is not the background. What's important is the present and the future that life holds for you. I can't see my future in Brooklyn anymore. And there is one more thing, Angela. Tony carefully cupped her face. She glanced at him through her tears: "What?"

"I don't love her. And love is important"

"Yes, it is." Angela nodded through her tears.

"Tony, can you forgive me for what I've done?"

"Already forgiven, but please, don't ever do this again. Talk to me if something bothers you!" Tenderly he pulled her face closer and kissed her tears away. The butterflies in her stomach started to fly. Angela couldn't believe it. How could this man always defend her even when she makes so many mistakes? Oh god, if he could only be forever the man who kisses her tears away.

Tony moved a little back. He was confused by his own significant gesture. He had overstepped his boundaries again like so often when she was so close to him; but it seemed she didn't mind.

"Tony I'm so sorry for all things I said to Sam."

"You should tell her."

"I did already; I talked to her before I came downstairs. I hope she will be better tomorrow. But I'm also sorry about all the things I said to you. I never did this before but maybe love makes people do crazy things." At the same moment she realized what she had said, her face flushed. "I mean… "

"Angela," he interrupted her, delighted by her choice of words, "are you sure, it's love…?"

For a moment she hesitated, but then smiled at him and replied:

"Positive."

_Author's note:_

_Many thanks to stayathomemum and VioletStella for proofreading and giving me suggestions._


End file.
